Wednesday, May 10, 2006

the dangers of being alone

Before Lent the Metropolitan gave a speech about how difficult it is to be alone; how the worst sins of our life are committed when we're by ourselves in silence. I couldn't agree more. People are, in some ways, a great elixir for my state of mind.

For my own part I've spent a great deal of my life alone. I was raised as an only child until 13, and even then I was basically alone. Half of my college career was spent with even fewer people around, and I still require a certain amout of solo time to maintain sanity.

On the other hand I've noticed that being alone perverts my perceptions of reality. I tend to draw in on myself rather than channeling it for production, except in the case of having a paper to write. It is in silence that I begin to dwell on my moments of failure and misbeing, yearning for times that have existed, but not as I wished, or haven't and shouldn't. It's as if I'm becoming more acutely aware of how lonely my world can be, even with other people in it. Something's off... not quite on track, and I can identify it, but I don't think that I can cure it. You forget the world outside and become egocentric. "I" becomes the ultimate concern, and that's the root of all evil.


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