Saturday, April 23, 2005

Success in falling short

Well Lent is functionally complete now. After confession I recall plainly how much I've fallen short on this season. Excellent. Helps me know myself as a sinner.

Without Confession it's hard to really come to grips with yourself. At least for me the problem isn't seeing myself as a sinner, but rather the problem is caring about what I've just seen. As is normal with my personality I tend to simply blow off my failings of "well yeah". If I miss a service, then sure it's lazy, but big deal - I'm a lazy person!

I've decided that I have to do something physically hard in order to purify my spiritual life. For the longest time now the only physical thing I've done is play some basketball and soccer. While hardly a total coach potatoe, my metabolism and general fitness is down, and I've gotten substantially fatter. It's affecting my other disciplines as well. I tend to react to productive and non-productive frames of mind holistically. Studying helps me exercise, vice versa, praying helps all, and all things can become part of my prayers.

Lenten season sets the bar high enough that you can definately come to see your own failings. When the tally is counted and you realize all the milk you snuk into the coffee, how many times you played by the letter of the law, how often you procrastinated helping others in order to fulfill your lenten discipline, and how many ill thoughts you've had in the mean time, and of course, how many services you've missed - if only just little Compline's... then you know what you're really like.

Lord have mercy.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sounds like Lent is a mirror - and we don't always like what we see! Prayers for a grace-filled week. And if your reflection on Lent is at all accurate, you may find comfort in Chrysostsom's Paschal homily.

Well, I rhink I've sorted out how to comment on your posts. I appreciate both the sharp observations and the sense of humor and sheer humanity of them.
(Fr) John

1:19 PM  

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